


Soul Wizardry

by OtherCat



Category: Bleach, Young Wizards - Diane Duane
Genre: Aizen is an ass, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-03-17 10:10:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18963139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherCat/pseuds/OtherCat
Summary: His wizard’s manual looks like the first volume for a tankoban titled Black Moon, and the significance of that doesn’t come up until years later.(There are no coincidences.)Ichigo takes the Wizard's Oath.(He wants to protect everyone.)





	1. Chapter 1

His wizard’s manual looks like the first volume for a tankoban titled _Black Moon_ , and the significance of that doesn’t come up until years later. (There are no coincidences.) He sees ghosts but actual magic doesn’t seem like a thing at first, so he reads it without thinking about it at first. (No matter how much he reads there’s still more to read.) This universe is a dangerous one for wizards, the manual is very specific about that. This is a universe under the aegis of the Lone Power, and wizards are very few. (This feels like a challenge.)

Ichigo takes the Oath. He feels the way the air listens, the way each word is an effort to speak. He’s excited and terrified all at once.

He’s ten.

(He wants to protect everyone.)

Ichigo’s Ordeal, his first battle with the Lone Power is weird and internal and mostly involves making friends with a weird bleached-white kid with gold and black eyes living in a weird sideways world. There’s also an old guy who tells him a story about his mother. (He passes his Ordeal. The Old guy smiles at him, the weird kid, the “hollow” kid Ichigo names “Shiro,” punches him in the arm. He punches back, and wakes up.)

Dad’s hands are covering his nose and he’s accusing Ichigo of being a terrible, mean son. It turns out he punched Dad in his sleep. Ichigo has neither mercy nor compassion. He laughs and follows up with a thrown pillow.

(They talk for the first time in a long time. Ichigo wants to pull everything back together in their flung-apart family. He knows that he can, now. He knows how.)   

Being a wizard is hard. There are polluted rivers to clean, trees to set upright when they fall during storms, lost kids to find before something happens. (And in Karakura Town “something” is going to be very bad indeed.) His Advisory is an American ex-pat named James Hughes who lives in Tokyo. Ichigo  visits at least once a month when he’s able to. There are very few other human wizards, so a lot of his work is done alone or on occasion with the assistance of the non-human wizards.

It is sometimes very scary and very dangerous and he learns from a cat wizard how to sew shut illegal gate patents because for some reason Karakura Town has a lot of them, all the time because there are two side worlds and people there keep trying to come through. One side world is called “Soul Society” and the people there “purify” souls and take ghosts there after they die--it is not that great of a place, and certainly no Timeheart, where all that’s loved goes. The other side world is called Hueco Mundo and is full of cannibal ghost-people that may or may not be perytons. (There are so many papers in the Manual on the topic on the similarities between the cannibal ghosts and perytons, and the ways the two “species” differed. Ichigo is assigned to read them. Ichigo’s eyes glaze over.) The Soul Society people are considered somewhat benign, so their gates are allowed to run more or less patent, the Hueco Mundo gates you have to sew shut almost immediately on discovery and it’s dangerous and scary.

(Zangetsu and the old man are almost like wizarding partners so it’s okay, and he never really feels lonely.)

He gets into fights over his orange hair and beats up bullies and makes friends. He gets bumped up to Senior Wizard before he’s fifteen and he has a rough interest in social work. (His Advisory thinks this is hilarious given how often Ichigo gets into fights. Ichigo maintains that he is absolutely helping by making bullies sorry for being bullies.) When he’s fifteen is also when one of the Soul Society people almost dies trying to kill one of the cannibal ghost people. The battle is a complete mess, and something horrible happens when he tries to heal the Shinigami: something within her takes the spell as an attack, which wakes Zangetsu up. (The asshole frigging _swallows_ it, what turns out to be her powers as a Shinigami, and won’t cough it back up.)

So he has to help the shinigami, a teeny little girl called Rukia out. He does not want to, and having a Shinigami at such close quarters makes his _actual job a little difficult._ There is a lot of talking with his Advisory who gets on Accord with him and the goddamn _Planetary_ over the feasibility of revealing himself as a wizard. (How much Shinigami know about wizardry isn’t known.)

It turns out, not a whole hell of a lot. Mr. Hat-and-clogs however is fascinated. (Ms. Yoruichi knew more about _cat_ wizards but had not seen fit to tell Mr. Hat-and-clogs about it. This is both hilarious and also very Ailuran.) Ichigo spends a lot of careful, cautious time explaining wizardry and teaching Mr. Hat-and-clogs the very basics of Speech. There is a lot of back and forth exchanges about Shinigami versus Wizards and he helps Rukia, though not always in a way that Rukia approves of.

Then there’s Ishida. Ishida who sets off some kind of weird Quincy lure to draw in cannibal ghosts, which causes a legion of cannibal ghosts to come in through an unpatented gate. Ichigo looks up at the sky opening up, calls Ishida a number of very rude things in Speech and then runs up a staircase of air to sew the damn gate shut. Then he has to sew another one shut. And then another. He decides he’s going to shove Ishida’s bow up his ass as soon as he closes the gates. (He almost wishes the cannibal ghosts would learn to fucking worldgate. It’s fucking ridiculous.)

When he comes back down, Ishida is still standing there, gaping. “What the fuck are you doing? I thought you were going to go off and prove how big your dick--I mean your bow was,” Ichigo snarls.

Ishida’s a little pale when he says, “You’re a wizard?”

“ _Dai stiho_ cousin, I am on errantry, and I greet you,” Ichigo says slowly in Speech. “Do you have something against wizards too? Is there something we did that offends you?” 

“But you’re a Shinigami,” Ishida says weakly.

“Yeah, so? Now we have a bunch of Hollows to take care of, _move it_ Ishida.”

That seems to break through whatever mental panic the Quincy’s going through. He heads off, and Ichigo heads off in a different direction. If there’s any winning involved, it’s mostly Uryu because Ichigo is winded and annoyed and gets sidetracked by a member of the Karakura Gate Technician Team, a one eyed ginger tom named S’hha who wants a precis of what the fuck just happened. “Well, that’s going to be work for us,” S’hha says. “We’re going to have to take down the catenary branch and restring _everything_.”  The tom grooms a paw.

“Sorry cousin,” Ichigo says.

“Not your fault, kit,” S’hha says with an amused, thoughtful twitch of his tail. “Go pounce on that stupid kit’s tail. _Dai stiho_.” The orange tom sidles and wanders off.

“ _Dai_ cousin,” Ichigo says and continues on the race.

It turns out Chad and Orihime have powers, not Wizard power and not Shinigami powers that he might have set off or woke up. Which is good for them, and maybe also for everyone in the town. (Maybe not good for Orihime, because holy shit, holy _shit_ she’s an abdal and it would be better for him not to know that. What if he slips? What if someone else figures it out and tells her accidentally or on purpose she literally holds the universe together by being herself? He is not good at subtle, and he has to make like the impossible things she does are perfectly ordinary and standard. Once again: _holy shit_.) It’s definitely good for him to have support, support that isn’t the people in his head. Even Ishida, who half the time pretends like he isn’t helping, or isn’t a friend.

He takes them to the Moon, even Ishida: he has enough energy for it, and it’s on the unofficial list of places you just go when you get the chance, like Mars. Orihime is ecstatic and wishes she’d packed a picnic lunch for everyone. Rukia is trying very hard not to be awed by the sight of the Earth. Sado studies the glittering circle where you’ve woven in everyone’s names, including his. (You have to ask everyone a lot of questions, to make sure the spell accurately described the passengers. Getting something wrong in Speech can completely change something or someone.) He proceeds to give Ichigo shit because yes, he knew that Sado’s name was Yasutora, not Chad. “So it’s okay to get my name wrong everywhere except on the moon,” he says.

“Mexico is in Central America. You said you were from Mexico, Chad is an American name.”

“The only one you could think of?” Sado asks, brows lifting. “Chad is a ‘preppie’ North American name. A name no one gets named because it’s a stand in for ‘arrogant rich white boy.’”

“Do you not want me to call you Chad?”

Sado grins. “Nah. It’s funny.”

When he gets back there is a problem. The problem is that Rukia is in trouble because she doesn’t have her Shinigami powers. (Ichigo is also in trouble but this seems a lot less important.) There’s a fight, and Ichigo gets his ass kicked. He uses what he hopes isn’t his final word to make sure no one is gating into or out of Karakura. (He loses consciousness vaguely afraid that the gate team is going to kill him for this.)

He wakes up in the back room of Urahura’s shop lying on a cot, bandaged up and feeling stupidly tired. The reason Ichigo wakes up is because of a furious exchange of words between his Dad and two very angry Shinigami. Lots of shouting. He’s vaguely surprised because it sounds like his Dad is winning. Rukia is in the room by his bed looking sad. “You shouldn’t have done that, you could have been killed,” Rukia says angry and concerned.  

“Right, what would have happened if I let you go?” Ichigo asks. “I’m not going to do that, since apparently they’re going to kill you for something that _wasn’t your fault_.”

“It’s better they execute me than you,” Rukia starts to say.

“Did you miss where they actually tried to do that?” Ichigo interrupts incredulously.  “No dying. No executions.” Ichigo gets up slowly, feeling slight twinges of pain.

“Lie back down, idiot,” Rukia says, and pushes him back down. Shiro agrees, silently. “What are you even doing?”

“It’s not like I’m going to get any sleep,” Ichigo says. “Why is my dad out there?”

“He seems to know Urahara, and seems to be known by my brother,” Rukia says.

Ichigo blinks at that. “What the hell?”

His dad is a Shinigami, was a Shinigami, Ichigo finds out eventually. He finds out a lot of things including what Hat-and-clogs did to Rukia’s gigai, and his plan to destroy a powerful artifact he’d made. Ichigo’s dad and the Shinigami captains in turn discover that Ichigo is a wizard. This is extremely awkward all around, though it turns out that the old man knew about the part-timer Shinigami thing. (Ichigo is a terrible son for not telling his poor old dad he was a wizard, or acting as a Shinigami. A terrible, horrible son who didn’t think his father was cool enough to confide in.)

“Urahara-san,” Ichigo says at the end of all the explanations. Even part of the plan where he wasn’t even going to know what half the plan was. “I get that you didn’t want anyone to get their hands on the hogyuko, and you thought that this whole plan was the only way to destroy it. But did it occur to you that this is exactly the kind of thing wizards are _for_? You could have reached out to us.”

Urahara’s fan covers his face for a moment. “It seemed a matter for the Soul Society, not the Living World,” he says after a while. “And you are all so very young, and of the Living World, so bright but without the background or depth of knowledge and power. That may seem contradictory considering the situation you almost went into, but that is how I felt.”

“And I don’t think he trusted anyone else, except me,” Yoruichi says, speaking so suddenly almost everyone in the room jumps. Ichigo does not. “There’s a ginger tom, a white queen with black spots, and a Siamese looking fellow outside wanting to speak with Ichigo-kun.”

“That’s the Karakura Gate Team,” Ichigo says. “How annoyed did they look?”

“Oh very,” Yoruichi says.

“‘Gate Team’?” one of the Shinigami asks. The redhead, Ren something or other.

“They handle all the nonpatent gates that keep opening up because of Shinigami or Hollow activity,” Ichigo explains. “Ailuran wizards are great at worldgates because they can actually see the strings, and have a talent for manipulating them.”

“Cats in other words,” Yoruichi explains with slight condescension. “And let me tell you finally having an explanation for what those things were put my mind to rest about my eyesight. I thought I had floaters.” She groomed her shoulder, then.

Ichigo goes outside to get yelled at by the gate team, who eventually forgive him. “We finally fixed the breakdown, and then this happens,” Hiah, the Siamese complains.

“Still, I suppose it was for a good cause,” Auew, the queen says. “Auruhi explained what happened. I’m glad you seem recovered, Ih’hoh.”

“Heh, thanks,” Ichigo says. The cats take their leave, and he turns to find Ren-what’s-his-face staring at him from the doorway. “What.” 

“I was kind of expecting them to actually talk,” Ren-what’s-his-face says. “They just kind of meowed, and you talked to them in some language that wasn’t Japanese.”

“I don’t really have the ears, whisker or tail to speak proper Ailuran,” Ichigo says. “So I used Speech.”

“Speech?”

“It’s the programming code the universes were written in,” Ichigo says. “It’s the language everything understands, and you can’t lie in.” He says the last bit in Speech and tries not to grin to widely when Renji realizes he understood that.

Ichigo calls in his Advisor, who in turn introduces Urahara-san to a reality kernel expert who is fascinated by the hogyoku. (“I’m impressed; you somehow managed to create something that is not quite a kernel with minimal safety procedures and you managed not to completely destroy reality! Congratulations!”) Urahara-san ends up in an in-depth exchange of knowledge that Ichigo sets his manual on “record” for because this is the kind of shit you get tested on later. Urahara-san eventually goes with the expert to one of the practice areas to figure out how to dismantle the not-a-kernel successfully. 

Meanwhile, Rukia, Ichigo, his dad, James, Ms. Yoruichi, Orihime, Ishida and Chad all go to Soul Society with the Shinigami. The Advisory is hoping for a diplomatic solution, or at least a solution with minimal fighting. Unfortunately, they arrive in the middle of what appears to be a civil war being fought because of the apparent murder of one of the captains.

Who turns out not to actually be dead.

Who turns out to actually be extremely manipulative and murdered the Soul Society’s entire ruling body in an effort to get his hands on the hogyoku.

Who manages to escape, beamed into the air on something called a “negacion,” where a bunch of menos were waiting.

Ichigo makes a run up the air toward the gate. Shiro is telling him there’s no way he’ll be able to close it. He’s right. Up on the final landing, he’s almost eye to eye with Aizen, who looks like he’s trying not to look surprised. Ichigo starts to sew the gate shut, but the negacion interferes with the strings. They snap all around the column and Ichigo gets knocked from the landing by one of the menos.

James catches him, and then yells at him.  Aizen makes some kind of stupid gesture by breaking his glasses while he and his friends make an escape. The gate closes.  

The aftermath is tense. Orihime and Ichigo help to heal the survivors of the battle while his Advisory and his Dad and Ms. Yoruichi talk to the captains and the guy in charge. Eventually Rukia gets acquitted and Ichigo is suddenly officially a Deputy Shinigami. 


	2. Chapter 2

Ichigo’s high school has a sudden horde of transfer students and almost every one of them is a Shinigami. The sight of them attempting to seem like Real Teenagers™ is at once hilarious and terrifying. (Not even Rukia was that eccentrically awkward, Ichigo thinks, and Rukia had seemed _very_ eccentric.) They want to help protect the town, which might end up becoming a battlefield because of Aizen. (They also want an opportunity to See Real Wizards in Action.)

The one who is not a Shinigami turns out to be a “Visored.”  Shinji says he wants to help Ichigo get control of his inner Hollow. He also says that Ichigo has to join his gang. (No, specifically; if he gets good he _has_ to join Shinji’s gang.) It’s…actually the sort of offer he’s gotten before. The kind of face-saving some of the dumbasses he’s fought engage in. Only this isn’t face saving, it’s more “you’re going to fuck up and get people killed and then what? Join up so that doesn’t happen.”

“You don’t control friends,” Ichigo tells Shinji. “Shiro-Zangetsu is my friend.”

_“Yeah asshole, Ichigo is my friend. Also my king.”_ Shiro says in the back of Ichigo’s head. 

“Your ‘friend’ wants to kill and eat your family and friends,” Shinji says.

_“Friends are not food,”_ Shiro says. Then he snickers. _“I can maybe chew a little on the Old Goat.”_

“No you can’t,” Ichigo mutters at Shiro. “And I’d hold you down so Karin and Yuzu could kick your ass if you tried hurting them.”

_“As if I’d ever hurt our sisters,”_ Shiro says with a slight sneer.

Shinji blinks in momentary confusion. “You talk to the Hollow?”

Ichigo is also confused. “You don’t?”

_“Wow,”_ Shiro says. _“Cold. That must suck, getting ordered around and no one to talk to either.”_

“Part of my Ordeal as a wizard was making friends with him,” Ichigo says. “He’s been more awake lately; I figured it was because he was my zanpakuto.”

“The way it usually works for Visored is that we have to subdue our Hollows,” Shinji says cautiously. His tone reflects both curiosity and disbelief. “I don’t think our Hollows are much in the way of conversationalists, let alone something you could make friends with.” He pauses. “We kind of _have_ to subdue them, or they really _will_ attack people.”

“I didn’t ‘subdue’ Shiro during my Ordeal,” Ichigo says. “We fought, and fixed something together, and then he mostly went to sleep unless I needed a spotter or something for a working.” He doesn’t mention Old Man-Zangetsu, who wasn’t really relevant to the conversation, not being a Hollow.

“You fixed something,” Shinji says, looking entirely out of his depth.

“I uh. Kind of put out a lot of energy? It’s like a ‘good eats here’ sign for cannibal ghosts. And my control for that kind of energy is crap,” Ichigo says. “So we built a reservoir and valve for it--” Ichigo pulls his manual out of his interdimensional pocket. “I got the diagram in here. It’s kind of early work but James—that’s my Advisor; he’s an American ex-pat--thinks it’s pretty good and I’ve been planning some improvements since then--” Shinji is even more out of his depth and it’s kind of hilarious. Ichigo explains the working anyway.

They’re interrupted by a very impatient Visored girl named Hiyori. The two Visored burst into an argument about how Shinji should have recruited Ichigo by now. “I was winning him over, Hiyori! These kinds of things require a little finesse!”

“Actually you were kind of strong-arming me,” Ichigo says. “I’d like to learn more about your group, but I have other responsibilities, so I can’t exactly join your gang.”

“We don’t let just _anyone_ in,” Hiyori says. “So don’t think we were inviting you!”

“Good, because I don’t think I could accept,” Ichigo says. “Even if I wanted to, which I really don’t.”

Hiyori bristles like an angry cat. Shinji rubs his face with one hand. “He’s a wizard, Hiyori,” he says with a sigh.

“Hmph.”

Ichigo does end up training with the Visored. He learns new ways of working with Shiro. The Hollow is eager to fight, and enjoys having an “outside” presence via the mask. The Visored warn him that Shiro might decide to take over, but Ichigo never gets that kind of feeling from Shiro. _“If I did take over King, it’d only be because you were down for the count,”_ Shiro says in the back of his head at one point during their conversations. _“I_ like _to fight, but I want to fight_ for _you.”_

(The Old Man is mostly quiet. He does not quite approve of Ichigo being a deputy Shinigami for reasons he says he isn’t ready to explain. He doesn’t say anything overly disapproving about it, but it’s pretty obvious. Ichigo is willing to wait, not wanting to pressure him into explaining.)

Karakura Town is attacked by a few of Aizen’s “Espada.” This turns out to be an attempt to test how strong the Shinigami (and wizards) protecting the town are. The fact that it’s obvious doesn’t stop it from being a horrifying battle that nearly gets friends killed. The Espada are deeply unimpressed and contemptuous in a way that pisses both Shiro and Ichigo off. Shiro because he lost, Ichigo because he lost and _this isn’t a goddamn game._

No one gets killed. More protections are put in place, and now they maybe have a better idea of how powerful the Espada are. Ichigo counts it a win.

Not long after that, more Espada come through, led by a blue haired asshole who turns out to be acting outside of orders. These Espada are quickly defeated, except for the blue haired guy, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. _He_ gets pulled off the battlefield, but not before kicking Ichigo and Shiro’s collective ass. He’s still shouting threats as Ichigo blacks out.

Ichigo wakes up again in his Dad’s clinic, Orihime hovering worriedly in the background. Dad is unsuccessfully attempting to shoo S’hha, who is sitting loafed on Ichigo’s chest. “Well, that was a very inelegant game of _hauissh_ ,” S’hha comments.

Ichigo blinks at this reference to the Ailuran territorial game. “Yeah, I got my ass kicked. Also, no Tree,” he says in Speech, referring to the contested central point of the game that players oriented themselves around. He sits up, dislodging S’hha, who takes up a position by Ichigo’s knee. 

“As I said, inelegant,” S’hha says. “And the sequence was interrupted. The _hruiss’aessa_ wasn’t clearly defined, but I think you and your friends clearly won this sequence in the sense that the intruders were driven from the territory or killed, less so in that your opponent was removed from play, resulting in an incomplete sequence. Jaegerjaquez-san was clearly playing by older, less civilized rules of the game however.”

“I’m pretty sure he just wanted to kill me,” Ichigo says.

“Sure, that to.” S’hha said cheerfully. “It’s not really The Game if a little--or a lot--of bloodthirst isn’t involved on some level, kit.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “Okay, so it was _hauissh_ ,” he says. “A really shitty game of _hauissh_.”

“Son, it isn’t nice to have conversations your poor concerned Dad can’t listen in on,” Ichigo’s dad says with a kind of worried curiosity.

“S’hha is telling me that the Espada was playing a literally killer game of _hauissh_ ,” Ichigo says. “It’s a game that cats play.”

“It’s _The_ Game cats play,” S’hha says with emphasis.

“S’hha is a big time fan,” Ichigo says. “And player,” he follows up hurriedly when the tom grumbles. Ichigo explains the very basic (very basic grumbles S’hha) rules of the game to his Dad and Orihime.

“It’s a real game, with rules?” Orihime asks, suddenly excited. “I thought it was just something I was pretending!” She tells them a story about some cats she’d seen playing something that she thought seemed like tag and hide and seek at the same time. “Well, they were fighting too, but it seemed like very polite fighting if that makes any sense?”

S’hha immediately wants to know where and when the game took place. Ichigo ends up translating. It sounded like Orihime was going to be an aficionado of the game, from how interested she was in it. (Oh Powers, he was going to have to teach her Speech, so he didn’t have to translate between two fans. _Hauissh_ had so many damned conditions and rules it was ridiculous, and debating on style and points took _forever._ Jame’s Miiu and S’hha were absolutely _unbearable_ when they got started on regional differences in play.)

Grimmjow shows up again wanting a fight, this time minus an arm and claiming he tore it off to prove he could beat Ichigo with just _one_ arm. “That is some next level Black Knight bullshit,” Ichigo says, and dodges the attack.

_“Emphasis on the bullshit,”_ Shiro says. Ichigo wants to ask, because it’s clear Shiro sees something, but he’s too busy deflecting Grimmjow’s next lunging attack.

 “What the hell happened--to your arm?” Ichigo asks again. Partly out of knee-jerk concern, partly because it’s obviously making his opponent angry, and therefore reckless.

“Who the fuck cares? I don’t need two arms to wipe that smug bullshit look off your face!” Grimmjow shouts. He lunges again, Ichigo dodges again. “Fucking fight me!”

“What the fuck happened to your arm?” Ichigo shouts back. He wonders what fucking smug bullshit look Grimmjow is talking about.

_“I don’t think he’s encountered your ‘must patch up my stupid enemies’ look before, King,”_ Shiro says and snickers. 

“Fuck you I don’t have a ‘must patch up my stupid enemies’ look,” Ichigo mutters. Shiro laughs, because he’s an asshole. A possibly correct asshole, because Ichigo has always tried to patch up or at least call the ambulance for people he’s ended up fighting with, and a look might possibly be associated with it, but still an asshole.

“I’m going to kill all your friends if you don’t fight me Shinigami!” Grimmjow says, and makes to retreat.

No, _that’s_ not going to happen. Ichigo drops a modified dome-shield spell  he’d been working on around Grimmjow, hoping it holds. Grimmjow, realizing he’s trapped, attacks the walls of his prison. They hold, even when he goes into full resureccion. He’s a _cat,_ Ichigo realizes. So maybe _hauissh_ was an accurate comparison after all.

“I’m going to fucking kill you Shinigami!” Grimmjow howls. “You are fucking dead, you hear me?”

One of the Espada Ichigo fought before makes an attempt to retrieve Grimmjow, but it’s half-hearted at best. He leaves with vague threats after another attempt to kick Ichigo’s ass. (It’s a little harder for the Espada this time, but not by much, to Ichigo and Shiro’s frustration.) Ichigo knocks out Grimmjow, who has mostly worn himself out against the shield, and takes him back to Mr. Hat-and-clogs. (“Please don’t dissect him. Please don’t vivisect him. Please don’t let anyone else vivisect or dissect him. Don’t kill him, don’t question him or anything yet. That would be great.”) Then he collapses for a few hours in Mr. Hat-and-clogs back room.

It turns out that this was another distraction, and the actual goal was to kidnap Orihime. The captain-commander decides that she must have went willingly, and therefore is a traitor and…no. This is not a thing. Ichigo uses his “I may be young but I am still a Senior Wizard and have the Tacit Backing of The Powers” card and gets a moment alone to speak to Yamamoto. “If I have to I _will_ call in the Planetary and you can talk to her,” Ichigo says. “Inoue Orihime is not capable of betrayal, not of her friends or anyone. She was coerced. I _am_ going to rescue her.”

“What makes this girl so much more important than anyone else?” Yamamoto asks.

“She’s exactly as important as anyone else,” Ichigo says. “I’d rescue any of my friends with or without your approval, Captain-Commander, but she is the most vulnerable because she is also the most powerful, and if Aizen knows or figures that out, all three worlds and probably the universe is in danger.”

Yamamoto stares at him a moment. “You are very sure of this. What is the nature of her power?”

Ichigo shakes his head. “I can’t tell you, and _she_ can’t know.” If Shinigami knew anything about abdals, he’d probably given it away already, but he doesn’t see any recognition in the old man’s eyes.

“Even if she was coerced, you would be undoubtedly be walking into a trap,” Yamamoto says with a frown. “And you would be leaving your town unprotected.”

“Not really,” Ichigo says. “The Shinigami would be there, and I was going to call for back up anyway.”

“So you’re at least somewhat thinking ahead,” Yamamoto says. “This will be unspeakably dangerous, and you will be undoubtedly doing exactly what Aizen wants. However I realize I can’t really stop you.” His eyes turned a little hard. “And perhaps it was time we tested _his_ defenses for a change.”


	3. Chapter 3

 When he gets back to Urahura’s shop he hears arguing. Grimmjow and…S’hha? “Get off my goddamn chest you fleabag,” Grimmjow is saying in English. “I have no fucking clue of what you’re talking about.”

“Are you critiquing his _hauissh_ technique?” Ichigo asks in Speech as he enters the room. Grimmjow had been shoved into a gigai and cuffed with the hinged wood panels Shinigami use for handcuffs. The cuffs were attached to the bed, and he was further strapped down with thick restraints over his legs and hips. S’hha was sitting loafed on Grimmjow’s chest.

“Of course,” S’hha says in Speech, slipping off of Grimmjow’s chest and leaping to the bedside table to sit. He somehow manages to do it without knocking down the lamp or radio alarm clock on the table.

“Well fuck,” Grimmjow says. “You can hear this damn cat too? What language is that?”

“Speech,” Ichigo says. “You usually have arguments when you aren’t sure the other person is actually speaking?” 

“Well, lacking anyone else worth talking to,” Grimmjow says idly. “I’d rather talk to a cat that might or might not be talking than a Shinigami.”

Ichigo rolls his eyes. “Where’s Hat-and-clogs?” Ichigo asks S’hha.

“I think Ura’hua is in conference with someone over the custody of Jaegerjaquez-san here,” S’hha replies.

“It’s the really creepy guy, isn’t it? The head of research in Senreitei,” Ichigo asks.

“I think so.”

“Definitely not turning you over to that guy,” Ichigo says to Grimmjow, who sneers. “He’s really, really creepy.”

“I’ve probably eaten creepier,” Grimmjow says dismissively. “Hope you don’t think you can do a little hostage exchange with me. I’m worth fuck all as a privaron espada.”

“How much were you worth as Sexta Espada?” S’hha asks. “Since they decided to punish you by cutting one of your arms off?”

“Fuck. You.” Grimmjow snarls between clenched teeth. “What the fuck do you know about it?”

“Ura’hua noticed it while he was stuffing you in that human suit,” S’hha says. “It was a very neat, very quickly done amputation. You didn’t even have a second to defend yourself in any sense of the word. He even knows who did it and a bit of what they were thinking at the time from the residue of spiritual pressure on your bones and hierro.”

“They did that to _punish_ you?” Ichigo asks, horrified. “What the fuck.”

Grimmjow sneered. “Well, they could have killed me, for not obeying orders and wasting soldiers,” he says. “Don’t pretend you give a damn, Shinigami. And don’t think there aren’t more soldiers where we came from. You don’t stand a chance against Lord Aizen.”

“How much does he actually care about wasting his soldiers if he’s cutting off their arms?” Ichigo asks.

“The fuck do you care, Shinigami?” Grimmjow asks.

**_“It’s a thing, you get used to it,”_** Shiro says. Ichigo tries not to startle. There’s a shadow on the wall, a flat cartoonish silhouette with a clear hole showing the wall behind it. It’s the first time he’s heard the Hollow speak outside his head. It’s the first time he’s seen Shiro in some way outside his head. Shiro’s voice sounds like his, with a slight reverberation, like it was coming from inside the mask. **_“I don’t think he can_ not _care. I’d say it was a wizard thing, but nah. He’d still be like this even_ without _the wizard thing.”_**

“What the hell?” Ichigo asks Shiro.

**_“New trick. Neat huh?”_** Shiro asks.

“Neat but also weird,” Ichigo decides. “I’m used to hearing you from inside my head.” He pauses for a beat. “And finding a reason for why I’m laughing for no apparent reason.” The reason of course was that Shiro was a _dick_.

“…You’re a wizard,” Grimmjow interjects flatly. “Like _The Wizard of Oz_ or some shit. I was hit on the head, wasn’t I, and all my goddamn brains are leaking out on the street.” It wasn’t even spoken as a question. The espada practically radiated confused disbelief.

“No, pretty much not like that, since he was a con artist,” Ichigo says. “You toss around ceros and all that and you don’t think wizards could be a thing?”

“…I don’t know what I think. I can feel that reiatsu shit, and I can fight using it, but I couldn’t feel whatever the fuck it was you did with that bell jar you dropped on me,” Grimmjow says.

“It was a modified dome-shield,” Ichigo says. “That I created by asking the air to harden to a specific temper while permitting breathable air and certain wavelengths of light to pass through using Speech, which is the language S’hha has been speaking to you in.”

“Yeah, you said that. Figured a wizard would be doing spells in Latin or Hebrew or something, if they weren’t doing it how the Shinigami do it. Is he your familiar?” Grimmjow asks, indicating S’hha with a pointed look.

“Co-workers,” Ichigo says.

“Colleagues,” S’hha says at the same time.

**_“You’d think I’d get ID’d as the familiar. I’m definitely more diabolical-looking than Kitty-san, even with the one eye,”_** Shiro comments.

S’hha gives the shadow on the wall a mildly exasperated look. “Brat.”

**_“What, it’s a compliment!”_** Shiro protests.

“Contract with the Devil?” Grimmjow asks next. The flat line of his mouth twitches into a smirk. “Not that it’d mean anything to a cannibal ghost.”

“Kind of the opposite of that,” Ichigo says. He was familiar with that belief, mostly from Ishida forcing him to read _Faust_ , and also from reading _The Tempest_. “Wizards swear an Oath to hold back entropy and help all living things, no matter what, until universe’s end.”

The look Grimmjow gives Ichigo is highly skeptical. “Right,” he says. “How’s that going for you?”

“There are good days and bad days,” Ichigo says. “The worst I’ve gotten for screwing up is getting yelled at though.”

Grimmjow glares. “The worst thing you’ve ever done is not kill me,” he says. “I’m going to fucking _destroy_ you, whatever you are.”

“Why?” Ichigo asks.

Grimmjow rolls his eyes. “Do you want a fucking list, Shinigami?” he asks.

“Maybe I do,” Ichigo says.

Grimmjow stares at him, expression somewhere between disbelief and blank surprise. “Fine. Ulquiorra can’t risk assess his way out of a paper bag, that’s one,” Grimmjow says. “Everyone went along with his shit-brained assessment, even High and fucking Mighty Lord Aizen, that’s two. I lost my goddamn fraccion, I lost my goddamn arm, and I lost my goddamn position as Sixth Espada to fucking _Luppi._ I get sent here as a distraction and now I’m chained up in a fucking meat suit. And that’s just the first seven.” Grimmjow goes on to list more reasons, as varied as Ichigo looking at him weird (and continuing to do so) to “because I feel like it.”

Ichigo listens to all this, and even manages to keep Shiro from saying anything too sarcastic about the tirade. (Out loud anyway.) S’hha is less kind, but at least keeps his comments to Ailuran instead of Speech. “It sounds like you should be angrier at Aizen, than at me,” Ichigo says.

Grimmjow’s lip curls. “You think I’m not? What am I gonna do against someone who’s stronger than--” he cuts himself off. “Don’t think you can interrogate me either,” he says.

“At this point, do you know anything?” Mr. Hat-and-clogs asks, coming into the room. “At this point you are very far from the inner circle. And Aizen seems quite skilled at keeping his plans even from his allies.”

“Kind of my point,” Grimmjow says. “I don’t know shit, and if I did I wouldn’t tell you shit.”

“I think you know something,” Ichigo says. “At least where they took Orihime.”

“And I’m telling you why?” Grimmjow asks.

“We can make a deal,” Ichigo says. “You want to fight me? Okay. I’ll fight you, but if I beat you, you have to help me rescue Orihime. If you beat me, you’re free to go.”

“If I beat you, you’re dead meat,” Grimmjow says over the general noise of disapproval from both Hat-and-clogs and S’hha. “And I _will_ beat you.”

Inside Ichigo’s head Shiro says, _“If he beats you, I’m going to eat him from the inside out, King.”_

_“He isn’t going to beat me,”_ Ichigo says in return. _“But if he does, you aren’t going to eat him.”_

_“Not like you’ll be there to stop me,”_ Shiro says, nervous and a little angry with his concern.

_“Don’t be so sure,”_ Ichigo says. _“I will haunt you all the way from Timeheart. See if I don’t.”_ Out loud he says, “Two out of three falls, is it a deal?” Ichigo can almost see the thoughts ticking through the arrancar’s head. There’s a real possibility Grimmjow might agree and attack him immediately, or agree and make an escape attempt.

“Two out of three falls?” Grimmjow asks with a sneer. “I don’t plan on playing all sportsmanlike,” he says.

“You’re going to have to, or there’s no deal,” Ichigo says patiently

“You think I’m going to be willing to make a deal chained up like this?” Grimmjow rattles the cuffs to demonstrate. “Get me out of this damn meat suit and chains and I might consider it.” 

Urahara refuses. “I will release most of the restrictions on the gigai, but I will not release you from it. “At the moment, it provides you with two arms, and a great deal of protection from your master--”

. “ _The fuck_ anyone’s the master of me.”

Urahara smirked. “To keep your current employer from retrieving you then. If he detached your arm the first time, I’d hate to think what he might do now, even if your only purpose was as a distraction.

“Just fucking uncuff me,” Grimmjow says, glaring between Ichigo and Urahara. 

“Is it a deal?” Ichigo asks again. He holds his hand out.

“Fuck. Yes, it’s a fucking deal,” Grimmjow says, grabbing onto Ichigo’s hand. Ichigo half expects some kind of stupid hand-breaking bullshit grip, but Grimmjow doesn’t pull anything like that. His grip is hard, but not crushing. “If you beat me two falls out of three, I’ll help you rescue the princess. If I win, I’ll fuck off.”

Urahara doesn’t let Grimmjow out of the cuffs until they’ve reached his training room. Once they’re off the arrancar quickly backs away from Ichigo and Urahara, glaring at both of them. “Do you need some time to become used to the limitations of the gigai?” Urahara asks politely.

Grimmjow sneers. “I don’t need shit. Give me my sword, or is this just going to be a fistfight?”

Ichigo tosses the arrancar’s sword to him, drawing his own zanpakuto from his dimensional pocket. They circle, testing the other’s defenses. Grimmjow’s slowed down by the “meat suit” but is still damned fast. Grimmjow is also the better swordsman. The only things on Ichigo’s side are speed, raw power and a sword that half the time doubles as a shield.

Still, he gets the first win. Grimmjow isn’t used to the body he’s wearing. He definitely should have taken the option to get used to it. The arrancar ends up eating dirt when his very physical body fails to do something that his spiritual one would have had no problems doing. Bodies constrained by physics usually can’t do super hero leaps. (Super villain?) It’s not hard to get him pinned after that.  “You’re not nearly so light on your feet like this, are you?” Ichigo asks. “Did you hit your head? How many fingers do you see?”

Grimmjow glares dizzily up at Ichigo, and flips him off.

“Nope, that’s the wrong number of fingers.”

The second win goes to Grimmjow.  Ichigo gets overconfident, and maybe a little stupid. Grimmjow gets used to the constraints of his meat suit body _fast,_ faster than Ichigo anticipated. His fighting style is just that much more unfamiliar to Ichigo’s--more acrobatic--that he’s thrown off a bit. Grimmjow drops low in a spin kick that sweeps Ichigo’s feet right out from under him, and follows up with a punch that has Ichigo doubling up and gasping for air. Ichigo tries to roll away, but Grimmjow is up first, the point of his sword hovering over Ichigo’s chest.  

“You win,” Ichigo says. He isn’t quite sure Grimmjow is going to back off. He’s growling and his eyes are wild, in a way that reminds Ichigo of an overstimulated cat. Shiro is _also_ growling, and Ichigo can see shadows gathering at the corner of his eyes. ( A huge shape made of shadow looming, the sweep of a tail, horns and scales.) “Three rounds, Grimmjow. It’s what we agreed to.” He’s just as much saying it to Shiro. If  Shiro decides he’s in danger from this, he’ll take over. He won’t care about any deal or agreement, he’ll just want to pound anyone who hurt his “king” into the ground.

**_“Watch it, Kitty,”_** Shiro says.

Grimmjow steps back, snarling and wary. His gaze is focused upward, at the shadow-shape, not down at Ichigo. “Am I fighting you, or am I fighting the Shinigami,” Grimmjow says. “I thought the agreement was I fight Merlin down there.”

**_“You’re fighting both of us,”_** Shiro says. **_“You were always fighting both of us. You have a zanpakuto, right?”_**

“You aren’t any kind of zanpakuto though,” Grimmjow says. “You’re some kind of parasitic Hollow.”

**_“Nah, I’m totally mutualistic. At worse I’m commensal.”_ **

Slowly, Ichigo gets to his feet. His vision is strangely white-tinted with Shiro’s shadow shape surrounding him. “He’s a Hollow, but he’s also my zanpakuto. And kind of my twin brother, maybe?”

**_“Kind of? I’m wounded,”_** Shiro says. **_“I mean we spent all of that quality time together in Mom’s womb so at least we’re some weird spiritual chimera.”_**

“Shut up,” Ichigo says. “You’re gross and don’t talk about Mom like that.”

“Aw, don’t you know where babies come from, Shinigami?” Grimmjow says, asshole on autopilot because he’s still backed up warily. Watching the exchange with some combination of unease, amusement and impatience. “I didn’t realize you were that much of a kid.”

Ichigo can’t help rolling his eyes at that. “I feel insulted,” he says. “Really. About as insulted as I feel about the bullshit I hear from the assholes I beat up every week when they give me shit about my _hair_.”

“You beating them up for some other reason?” Grimmjow asks, sounding honestly curious.

“Yeah, they’re bullying assholes who pick on smaller kids and steal lunch money and shit _._ Also they want me to join their gangs or something. I don’t even know.”

**_“He wants to be a social worker,”_** Shiro says solemnly.

“Ship ‘em off across the country somewhere,” Grimmjow says, voice absent. “Adopt ‘em out to farmers as unpaid hands to get them off the street.”

“That sounds pretty awful. I’ll settle for getting kids out of bad situations and into better ones, not differently bad ones.”

Grimmjow snorts. “Aren’t you a white knight. Trying to save the world or some shit, never mind if it wants to be saved.”   

“It doesn’t work that way,” Ichigo says. He wants to ask who’s talking? Who in that conglomerate of torn up and patched together souls is talking through the composite organism that is Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez? Someone who had literally been through the thing Grimmjow had suggested, Ichigo thinks. Someone who had died and been eaten or who had become a Hollow themselves. (Maybe even several someones.)

“How the fuck does it work, then?” Grimmjow asks in a nasty tone.

“Not like that,” Ichigo says. “Ideally you don’t ship kids off to be slave labor somewhere, for one thing.”

Grimmjow snorts. “You know what the fuck I mean. You talk about fighting entropy, and here you are talking to _me_ Shinigami. Making deals and I’m _death_ you stupid little shit. I’m _destruction._ And you keep looking at me like you ain’t afraid. Like you feel sorry for me or something.”

“I’m fighting entropy _by_ talking to you, asshole,” Ichigo says. “Words are awesome. I could quote Shakespeare at you, I know all of the dick jokes. You keep calling me ‘Shinigami’ and that’s you fighting with words too, but I’m a Wizard. Shinigami destroy Hollows fast because they don’t want to know that Hollows were people at one point, and maybe that’s right for them because sometimes the person who the Hollow used to be was horrible and no one wants that in their head. A Wizard won’t ever forget, _can’t ever forget,_ and sometimes Wizards have to help people who might otherwise be enemies.”

“‘Help,’” Grimmjow says, jumping on the word. “The fuck I ever need your help for?”

Ichigo grins like the jaws of a trap closing. “My friend Orihime? She can give you back your arm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grimmjow is more or less referring to the ["Orphan Train"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphan_Train) movement. Wiki says it was a "supervised welfare program." But no, no it wasn't. The kids were often not actual orphans and were often not checked up on. LOTS of abuse. 
> 
> I am pretty sure I accidentally named Uruhara after The Great Tom. Since Ur'ruah is what I came up with when trying for a properly Ailuran attempt at his name. This is of course absolutely hilarious.


	4. Interlude

It’s…hard to think. She’s coaxed into a uniform because she’s one of them now. She agreed to join Aizen to protect her friends. (She’s knows she’s bait.) The uniform is white with black trim and reminds her of the clothes that Uryu wears when he’s being a Quincy. (She’s reminded of an American fantasy series with white-clad psychics. They were archers too! Maybe the author is also a Quincy! She’ll have to ask Uryu about it…but she can’t because she’s supposed to be saving her friends/supposed to be bait.) Her hands twitch, ball up into fists, straighten out finger by finger.

There’s a hum in Orihime’s head as she enters the main hall, the throne room where Aizen and his Espada are waiting for her. Lord Aizen introduces her, but she’s barely listening. There are so many arrancar in this room. There is so much reishi in the room. (In the world. In Hueco Mundo.) She’s scared and not-scared at the same time. Ichigo tells her stories sometimes. Stories about wizards who went places they really didn’t want to go to help people they didn’t really want to help, because those people usually thought of the wizard as food, or a not-person. Maybe she can pretend to be a wizard, and she can fix their sun and they’ll have to rethink about whether or not she’s a person.

Someone, an arrancar, wants to know what use she is. She’s just a human and a useless one at that. Aizen smiles, and there’s a wash of fear over the arrancar. Orihime notices the fear the way and reason she notices fear or a bad smile, and this is a very bad smile. She swallows, and her throat is dry.

“Would you allow a demonstration of your powers, Orihime?” Aizen asks in a genial tone of voice.

“Of course, Lord Aizen,” Orihime says. It isn’t like she says the words at all. It’s like someone else is talking. (Only she’s pretty sure she’s the one that’s talking. Pretty sure.)

It’s a few minutes but they bring in a white wrapped oblong shape. It’s about as long as Orihime is tall. She knows what it is somehow, and doesn’t want to know what it is at all. “Oh,” she says, and her stomach does a slow flip as the cloth is removed to reveal a ruin of red and splintered white. The inner layers of the cloth were soaked in red, the outer just in smears. “How?” She means _“how am I meant to fix this?”_

“Yammy didn’t feel like following doctor’s orders,” one of the shinigami says, the one that was always smiling. “Squished ‘er like a bug.”

The humming got louder. An angry three point harmony from her fairies. Her hands open and clench, open and clench, and then she steps forward.  She isn’t quite sure what she’s doing but the fairies feel very sure of themselves. Some part of herself feels very sure of herself. She kneels and unwraps the girl (the doctor?) wanting to see the full extent of the injuries. (Raw chicken, she tells herself, or a documentary featuring lions or polar bears. Lions need to eat, even though antelopes are pretty. Polar bears needed to eat too, even though baby seals are adorable.) The head, neck, shoulders and upper ribs have been crushed. The arms have been broken. Yammy is big. Yammy’s hands are huge. (Ichigo’s father would know all the medical words. She doesn’t. It’s something she should find out about, maybe.)

Could she fix this?

The fairies (who are her) are very certain that she can.

Her power isn’t healing. It’s _rejecting._ She has just learned this recently.     

Orihime looks down at the red ruin that had been a girl. She lets her horror sharpen into something more like anger, and sets her hands on the unmoving, broken body. **“I reject.”**

She rejects the sad broken, bloody ruin. That’s not how a body should look. That’s not how a body should be. Bone and splinters of bone realign, fuse. Muscle restrings itself, organs seal, blood returns to it’s appropriate vessels. The body breathes. Neurons fire and eyes flicker open, the body struggling a bit in surprise. The girl gasps and stares up at Orihime in surprise and confusion, not seeming to notice much except Orihime. “Who are you?” The girl’s voice is rough and cracked, her eyes wide.

“Orihime Inoue,” Orihime says. “How do you feel?”

“Mies Sarnen,” the girl says. “I-I don’t know.” She seems to realize that the room is full of other arrancar, (and also Lord Aizen). She struggles free of the rest of the shroud wrapping her, crouching naked and defensive by Orihime. “Shit,” she mutters then, “Lord Aizen. Forgive me for being out of uniform.” Her words are all run together in a nearly incoherent gasp.  

The smiling Shinigami and Aizen laugh quietly. “Someone find Healer Sarnen a uniform,” Aizen says. One of the Arrancar heads off. “Your power Inoue-san is truly beyond that of God’s.”

Orihime shivers and says nothing. She’s aware of Mies giving her a concerned look, and it seems strange to see concern from a Hollow, though maybe it was because she was a doctor? Orihime doesn’t know.

The smiling Shinigami says, “It looks like our Inoue has her first fraccion.”

“She isn’t even an Espada,” One of the Espada objects loudly. “Why should she have a fraccion?”

“Having a fraccion and being an Espada have nothing to do with each other,” another Espada, a female says coldly. “You will not interfere Nnoitra.” The Espada drops down from her perch, moving to stand beside Orihime and Ulquiorra.

“She’s human,” the same Espada—Nnoitra--objects. 

“There is something of her that is also Hollow,” Aizen says in that same false, genial tone. He’s smiling again. (When chimpanzees “smile” it’s actually a threat. This is almost funny except chimpanzees are actually very scary and even go to war with each other.)  “She’s the result of years of careful experimentation and observation, and will prove extremely useful to our cause.” Aizen turns that smile on her, on the female Espada and on Ulquiorra. Orihime feels cold again, and frightened. “Harribel, Ulquiorra, why don’t the two of you show Inoue-san and her fraccion to her new quarters?”

They wait long enough for Mies to get a new uniform, and then the female Espada--Harribel--and Ulquiorra lead Orihime and the arrancar (Orihime’s fraccion?) down pale corridors to a suite of rooms. “If you need anything, send your fraccion,” Harribel says. “If your fraccion has any problems, report them to Ulquiorra or myself.”

“I’m to guard the woman, not any trash she acquires,” Ulquiorra says.

Harribel’s eyebrows rise. “Aizen implied otherwise, Cuatro Espada,” she says. “She can always bring problems to me as Tres.” There was a sort of challenge in that, and the blank look on Ulquiorra’s face deepens into something approaching a scowl.

“I won’t be a problem,” Orihime says quickly. “You don’t have to guard me. I-I don’t even need a fraccion. No one even asked if she wanted to be, and she’s a doctor so she should be working in the hospital, not working for me.”

The two Espada and the healer stare at her. “You don’t need to play peacemaker,” Harribel says finally.

“I don’t like it when people fight,” Orihime says. “If-if I’m working with you I should help everyone get along.” Her voice cracks a little at that. She remembers gory red on white, and doesn’t want to think about that at all. She swallows, feeling a little queasy.

“What you like doesn’t matter,” Ulquiorra. “And your assurances of cooperation are equally meaningless.”  

“You should have a fraccion,” the healer says. “Even if only because Lord Ulquiorra shouldn’t have to fetch things. And you do need a healer, you’re a about to fall over!” Mies coaxes her over to one of the chairs in the room, one that’s beside the window, despite Orihime’s weak protests. “Espada-sama,” Mies says, “Please, I can take care of Inoue-sama from here.”

Orihime feels an angry, defensive twitch from her fairies. Mies had been crushed for ordering around an Espada. Mies was brave, but she might get herself in trouble again if the arrancar decided they didn’t like how she’s addressing them. Orihime gave both Espada a wary look. Harribel looks amused, and Ulquiorra doesn’t look like anything at all. “We’ll leave you to her then,” Harribel says. “Do you think you’ll be able to manage human food for her?”

“I think so Harribel-sama,” Mies says. “I can bring her food from the kitchen.”

“I can teach you how to cook,” Orihime says. “I’m a very good cook!” 

* * *

A few hours, after Orihim has rested, and she no longer feels like she’s floating ten feet above her body, she and Mies raid the pantry in the kitchen adjacent to the Espada and Shinigami dining room. (Mies wanted to get the food herself, but Orihime managed to talk the healer into letting Orihime come with. There was no electricity and therefore no electric ranges, rice cookers or other useful things that could just be plugged into an outlet in her rooms.) Orihime found so many interesting things had so many interesting ideas for what she could cook! (Cooking would give her something else to think about, besides how frightened she was.)

Spam musube seemed like it would be fun and easy to make, but then she saw the jar of grape leaves. Of course, grape leaves didn’t act anything at all like nori, but it turned out that Mies knew how to make stuffed grape leaves and demonstrated how to roll them up. “I don’t remember how I know how to do this,” Mies says. “Next we stick them in a pot and let them simmer for an hour in chicken broth. I remember that part too.”

“Let’s use miso instead,” Orihime says. “We can make octopus ceviche too! I’m almost positive I’ve worked out all the bugs.”

“Bugs, Inoue-san?” Mies asks uncertainly. (Orihime feels very pleased with herself that she finally got Mies to stop “my-lady”ing her!)

“Well, the first time I gave myself food poisoning! The second time it came out all right but I think I put in too many strawberries. Then one time I made my own ricotta and added it to the ceviche and found out Tatsuki has a weak stomach sometimes. I think maybe the ricotta was a mistake, but I was thinking of clam chowder except with octopus, and wanted to try making octopus chowder.”

Mies had the same kind of look that her friends had when Orihime talked about cooking. Sometimes Orihime thought her friends had no sense of adventure. “I don’t eat human food very often,” she says in a careful, polite tone. “It doesn’t do anything for me. I like tea, and the little cookies with jam though.”

“It’s okay, I won’t make you do any taste testing,” Orihime says.

They did not find octopus, but there was smoked eel, and Orihime found lavender. She decided to have Mies make noodles (fortunately there were directions) while Orihime made lavender syrup. “Is this ceviche?” Mies asked, a little confused.

“Change of plans!” Orihime says. “Let’s find out how lavender goes with smoked eels and noodles!” When the noodles and the syrup were done, the smoked eels and syrup were added to the noodles, and everything was tossed together. The result was a very strange purple-ish dark brown mass that smelled like flowers at a fish market.

They also find a jar of pickled eggs and a jar of pickled pig feet. Orihime gave the pickled pig feet a quick chop and dumps them in a bowl with the eggs. Then she made a quick ketchup-teriyaki-hoisin dipping sauce for them.

They also found tea, and thumbprint cookies.

They liberated a dining cart and roll their dinner back to Orihime’s quarters. Orihime felt very furtive and sneaky as they rolled through the back halls. Mies stopped several times to go in some other direction so they wouldn’t be seen. Orihime kept tight hold of the “shield” feeling, ready to defend herself or Mies if she had to.  “This should be enough for dinner and breakfast, and maybe lunch tomorrow,” she tells Mies.

“If it were colder,” Mies disagrees. “The Shinigami like it warmer, and bright. They made it so that Los Noches had the appearance of daylight and warmth, so I can’t just tuck it in a dark corner and keep it cold for you that way.  I’ll take the left overs back to the kitchen for you.”

“I guess we could label it,” Orihime says. “Is it usually colder?”

Mies nods. “It’s nighttime all the time in Hueco Mundo, and deserts can be very cold.”

“You must like how much warmer it is then,” Orihime says. “And the sunlight.”

Mies frowns at that, and doesn’t say anything for a moment. “The warmth is nice,  no one needs to expend energy for a fire,” she says in an agreeable tone. There was something odd about her tone, but Orihime didn’t want to pursue it. Not yet anyway.

They do get in trouble, but it doesn’t seem like very much trouble at first, with Ulquiorra hovering blank-faced and threatening in the apartment when they return. Harribel is there again as well. This time, her fracciones are with her. The fracciones converge on the food and fight over it, while insulting each other. (They also complain about the food.) They occasionally bring something to Harribel for her to try.

They mostly seem to like the pickled pig feet, pickled eggs, and the stuffed grape leaves. No one seems to like the smoked eels and noodles in lavender syrup, though Mies thinks that the lavender would have been better with goat. Ulquiorra does not try any of the food. Orihime nibbles on stuffed grape leaves and has some of the noodles. (The noodles came out fine, but it was not going to be one of the recipes she tried on Uryu, because she had found out the hard way that Uryu was horribly allergic to lavender.)

“Are you sure you wouldn’t like to try something?” Orihime asks Ulquiorra.

Ulquiorra just stares at her for a moment and looks away. “I’m sure,” he says.

“Try the trotters,” one of Harribel’s fracciones says. “They’re pretty good. Vinegary.”

“The dipping sauce clashes horribly,” another says.

“Inoue-san’s cooking is very adventurous,” Mies says loyally.

“Don’t speak out of turn, trash,” Ulquiorra says. “You’re useless as a fraccion, and the girl’s hardly any use as a protector.” As if to prove the point, he moves forward with blinding speed to strike Mies, who barely has time to flinch.

Orihime somehow is faster, or her shield is. There’s a crack of light, and Ulquiorra slides down it.

Harribel’s fracciones have pulled back in defensive positions around Harribel. “Fourth Espada?” Harribel asks in a very pointed tone. “If you were ordered to kill the healer, we would have liked to have been informed. I don’t like having my fracciones threatened.”

“I wasn’t,” Ulquiorra says. He gives Orihime an expressionless stare, and rises to his feet.

“Threatening my fracciones, or ordered to kill the healer?” Harribel asks. “Because I feel you were definitely doing the former if not the latter.”

“I wasn’t threatening your fracciones or ordered to kill the healer,” Ulquiorra admits. “I was making a point.”

“Well I’m sure she understands that she’s responsible for her fraccion,” Harribel says. “Aren’t you, Inoue-san?”

“Yes Harribel-sama,” Orihime says quietly. She moves closer to Mies, who is still protected by the shield that Orihime raised. Orihime moves to the shield so they’re both behind it, she also expands it a bit. It’s not hard at all.  “I didn’t mean to upset Ulquiorra-sama. I only wanted to use the kitchen.”

“Next time, you should probably tell him where you’re going,” Harribel says in a dry tone.

“I’ll remember that, Harribel-sama,” Orihime says.

Harribel’s eyebrows lift in amusement. “Are you going to lower that shield?”

Orihime looks directly at Ulquiorra and doesn’t say a word.

“You’ve made too good of a point, Ulquiorra,” Harribel says. “I don’t think she’s going to trust you in the same room as her fraccion again.”

Ulquiorra blinked in a way that seemed to indicate bafflement.

“Go _away,_ Ulquiorra,” Harribel says. “We won’t let her run away. She wasn’t even trying.”

There was another look of faint bafflement, and Ulquiorra left the room.

 


End file.
